Episode 259

Showered with Love

Many times when people pay us a compliment, we might stop and add conditions, or say “I’m not that great.” We might even forget to say “thank you” before we dismiss the nice thing that was said.

Likewise, if someone expresses love for us, we might reject it, wondering exactly what is wrong that someone would give an over-the-top demonstration of affection. Perhaps what they say is true, perhaps they really do care for us, and we can embrace it.

On the other hand, sometimes affection can be used by skilled manipulators, a technique known as “love bombing”, sometimes used by cults to welcome new members, and by potential partners. If your intuition is that someone is insincere in their affection, maybe you’re right.

It is up to the discernment of each individual how to treat these situations.

Hosts & Guests

Kurt Robinson

Transcript

Welcome beautiful thinkers.

So sorry about the acoustics, I am just recording from my hotel room in Zijuantanejo down here for the Greater Reset conference.

I thought I’d just check in with you guys and tell a little story.

I don’t want to overshare and get into self indulgence but I also want to be real with you guys about what Im feeling and what’s going on in my mind. What I feel, demonstrate my insecurities because I know on this podcast I try to talk about so many positive things, so many finer qualities of humanity of each one of us but of course we all have flaws and insecurities.

I was thinking about something that happened with my girlfriend showering me with love and showing me how much she cares about me and as a result I started to think “what’s going on, what’s wrong?”

Thinking that because she showed so much affection for me that something was not right. I wondered about past relationships and I had to ask myself this question at some stage “why do I always fall in love with fuckups?”

I guess the reason was I wasn’t ready to believe I was truly worthy of love.

But what if we are?

What if when someone pays you a compliment or says “I love you and care for you. Thank you.”

What if they’re not just saying that to be polite? What if it’s real?

What if that’s what they’re saying from their heart and what if we could let down our barriers for a minute and embrace that gift that people have offered us not out of protocol but because they truly care.

What if? What if we just linger there for a minute and enjoy the idea that somebody truly cares for us.

Thanks for listening, have a wonderful day.

Thank you for listening. There’s definitely more to this, its a bit of a strange story so in that relationship that I had. I started to feel that unusual feeling and at the time as you heard in that episode I started to think this is my insecurity. Maybe I just can’t accept that someone has this strong of feelings for me.

Later, a few months later I started to realize that no I was correct, my intuition was accurate. It wasn’t my insecurity but my intuition. I was picking up on something.

This is a technique known as love bombing and it was used by cults around the world to try and manipulate people.

They especially try and use it on the new members to draw people in “hey maybe the world has been cruel to you, maybe you are an outcast. Here you will be showed affection like you have never experienced before”

When people show affection like that especially in the beginning stages, it can be a red flag funnily enough. Something that one would hope would actually be nice might actually be bad.

I won’t go into too many details but I will mention perhaps if you ask someone a direct question about what’s going on in the relationship and they respond in a very convoluted way.

You think about it and it makes sense. When you ask more questions the explanations keep coming or people deflect from your questions or they just don’t answer your questions. Then it may be another warning sign that something funny is going on.

This was a very important lesson in discernment because I had to figure out whether someone cared for me or something else was going on, something unusual and my intuition was accurate.

In these situations we do have to exercise discernment to determine if people’s intentions are genuine.

So interesting lesson for me, I guess I have to feel a little humbled at this stage in my life. I didn’t think I’d be falling for that kind of manipulation. I like to be honest about that so other people can learn from my mistakes.

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