How to Be Lonely

Transcript

I want to talk to you about something I’ve been feeling the last couple of days. Living here in Asunscion, I havent been here that long I guess. Sometimes I notice I don’t have too many friends here yet. The past couple of days I’ve been feeling kind of lonely. I’ve had some things that haven’t played out as I’ve expected.

I wanted to tell you how I dealt with that sort of thing you know in this age of social media, instagram and facebook. A lot of people put on a brave face and you only see the finer stuff that’s going on in their lives and it’s not always because they’re trying to be narcisstic or something like that.

Sometimes they just want to spread the good news and avoid the bad news, which is fine. Sometimes the problem is we get this skewed perspective that spiritual people never feel sad or something like that.

As for me, I don’t know what other people have going on in their heads, but yes sometimes I do feel sad and lonely.

I want to tell you what I did. I was ruminating on it for awhile and I mentioned this because it’s the truth. Also it’s something important to mention because I think some people get caught up in that. Or I even thought for a second “What’s happening? I’m ruminating on this so does that mean I’m a loser? Does this mean…all kinds of things. Does it mean that I’ll never get out of this state?”

Which is a key error to think that something that happened in the past, and therefor things will always be like this. Normally that’s not the case. This too shall pass, it’s important to remember. So if you get caught up dwelling or ruminating it’s not such a big deal.

Sometimes I think it’s healthy because it helps you see things from a different perspective. You gain some ideas or you subject yourself to a little criticism. Obviously excessive is not good but a little bit doesn’t hurt in the long run.

I also did some breathing exercises that my buddy Luis taught me. It’s like alternating nostrils. So breathe in through one nostril, hold it a bit, breathe out though the other nostril. Breathe in through another nostril, hold it for a bit, breath out the first nostril.

And you can see how I demonstrate that. If you go on Youtube, you need a visual aid, you can go on there and search for this video called “Anxiety Mastery by the Paradise Paradox” which is my YouTube Channel. So search for that and you’ll see it near the start of the video because it’s so important. It’s such an effective exercise.

So that’s a good way to change your state if you’re feeling a little discomfort or stressed you can do that alternating nostril breathing exercise and it will help you calm down.

I meditate okay, I keep meditating like I normally do like maybe five times a week. I try to do it like once a day for a half hour or fourty minutes. It’s always a good practice because as I was talking about those thoughts, you start to get into to many interpretations. Meditation is a process which will help you realize that your thoughts aren’t your identity. And your thoughts aren’t the final word.

Just because you have a thought, doesn’t mean it’s going to be like that forever. Doesn’t have to stay as a belief. You don’t have to say “I had this thought and am therefor a loser.” You could just let things pass and you learn to realize that things will pass.

That’s one of the reasons why meditation is such a beautiful practice. Also I did that key thing that so many people, myself included, I neglect to do. I asked for help. So I said to Luis and I said to my buddy Dan “I’m feeling like this”

And my buddy Dan said “Oh, you’re feeling lonely? Have you tried to go out and meet people?” That’s a good question, pretty incisive.

I said “A little bit but I haven’t really been overextending myself. I’ve been hanging out a lot at home lately because I’ve been working on this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy course. So I started looking at meetups and stuff and I started to take actions.

So tomorrow there’s a meetup where people are gonna practice English so I can go there and meet some people.

So those are some steps if you’re feeling lonely or sad, most of these things will probably work. So ruminating, not judging yourself while you’re ruminating. Doing the breathing exercise. Remember to do the daily meditation and asking for help. Taking action.

Those are some key steps if you’re going through a rough spot like we all do sometimes. Those are some of the things that can help you get a little different perspective on the questions, the practical tips for you to improve the level of happiness and your quality of life. So you feel good, happy, ecstatic, grateful. Remember the diving spark within you.

Thank you so much for listening, thank you for thinking beautifully. Thank you for staying grateful. I’ll talk to you soon.