Episode 421
Purposeful Speech
Our speech is one of few tools we have to interact with the world, so it is wise to use it carefully.
In the past, guides of gentleman’s etiquette recommended to never criticize someone behind their back, and never in public. To criticize someone in front of a crowd is likely to embarrass them, or even provoke resentment.
Therefore, criticism should be in private, and to a person’s face, in order to give them the best chance to recognize their mistake and adjust their behavior.
Gossip in general is unproductive. Talking foul of another, or talking about their affairs, is unlikely to lead us to greater truth. While we might get some pleasure from it, there are many ways to get pleasure – speaking about our own dreams, goals or even problems in a way that is enjoyable and respectful of others.
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Hosts & Guests
Kurt Robinson
Resources
Transcript
Welcome beautiful thinkers! I’d like to talk to you about purposeful speech.
So, it’s something difficult to do, as the Buddhists say and I think even in the traditions that led up to Buddhism. They would say, “Well, we have three tools on this earth as human beings. We have our internal experiences, which is our thoughts and feelings, our speech and our actions. These three things, that’s all we have.”
So, if we can get a handle on anyone of them, it surely going to improve our quality of life.
There is one rule that I like to follow, which is difficult, it’s extremely difficult. It’s this old gentleman’s rule and it’s, it’s only criticise somebody to their face, and only criticise somebody in private.
Never criticise somebody in public, or, I think they say in the military, my friend Anthony Fair. They say, “pray is publicly, criticising private.”
So, of course when you criticise somebody in public it might embarrass them. It’s less chance that your criticism will be taken seriously.
If you’re doing it behind their back, that means they have no chance to defend themselves, or maybe they have a very good explanation of their actions.
And, if you could hear it, or you know? Maybe it’s not that great, maybe they have problems in their understanding, whatever it is. But, at least, if you voice this concerns to their face, then they can come along and you can learn together through the experience.
Probably it would be a very difficult conversation, in a lot of circumstances, but, at least, there is opportunity.
In talking about people behind their backs and gossip, this is mostly unproductive.
It’s like spinning out wheels. What wonderful things we could be talking about? And here we are talking about other peoples’ affairs.
Of course, you have heard this expression, “Mediocre people talk up about other people. Outstanding people talk about events, and excellent people talk about ideas.”
So, that is the key to being purposeful in our speech, if we are going to speak about something, we have a clear idea of what it is, we have a point to it.
We want to communicate something.
The fact, when we speak, we have the wonderful opportunity to enhance the lives of those around us. To teach something or to cause stimulate reflection in ourselves and in others.
A conversation, which is enlightening, or, as we say, “I started this project with my friend Katy Kelly, a couple of months back. It’s called – El Imaginario – The Imaginarium, that we do in conversation club here in Guadalajara. And we say, this is for cognitive flexibility. This to stretch mind”
So this is conversation with a purpose, not merely idle chatter.
We’re attempting to explore things in the mind, just as we did previously with the Multiversity Project and other projects on Crypto – Hippie podcast.
We’re trying to reveal some greater truth, and it turns out, we can do that, when we set the purpose. Oh, yes, we absolutely can.
Another interesting principle, an important principle, comes from the stoics, they say, “Never let anyone hear you complaining”. And I must admit I’m still working on this myself.
It’s difficult, ’cause sometimes I want to vent, I think we all have that urge.
I try to keep my venting short, just make it a couple of minutes rather than a long diatribe, which can quite taxing for the people listening.
But if we can remove that entirely, in fact, not a lot is lost, if we leave it behind, if we can keep our mouth shut we might actually quickly, very quickly move on to more beneficial subjects.
And leave behind those emotions that will wither us. Experience them, touch them, embrace them, hold them, comfort them, let them dwelve.
And don’t let them burden another. What kind of world would it be? If we can all follow those simple rules: to eliminate gossip, and to never let anyone hear us complain, that would be amazing.
And of course, it’s just with ourselves, just as I am trying to do. I hope a lot of people out there will join me on that path, to master speech, to master purposeful speech.
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