Episode 219
That Word is No
Setting a boundary is an important expression of love for oneself. To mark that a line will not be crossed is to affirm one’s own autonomy, one’s own value.
It’s also a powerful message to the person who is overstepping the boundaries. Occasionally you’ll find that when you do it, the habitual line-stepper will be astounded, saying “Nobody has ever spoken to me like that before,” giving them pause.
By setting a boundary, you are holding up a mirror to the world, allowing someone to see the consequences of their behaviour which they might not have previously considered. You are setting a model, so others can see that it is alright to have a sense of self, to be what you truly are.
Hosts & Guests
Kurt Robinson
Resources
Transcript
I was thinking, something came up in my personal life and I was thinking about the importance of setting boundaries.
The beauty of the word know as you might put it.
I was thinking if I set this boundary, how can I do it in the most loving way possible?
What is most loving for me and other people involved?
Some people have this impression that when you set a boundary you are actually doing something not loving, not caring for the other person.
After introspection I have arrived at the conclusion that setting the healthy boundary is a powerful expression of love for oneself because this is something that must be respected, something so important to me that I will say no and draw the line here. You will not cross this.
I wonder how is it also an expression of love for the other party involved, for the person trying to overreach those boundaries. I thought well it’s important because its setting the precedent saying in the future maybe think twice about how you treat other people.
How you behave towards them and maybe learn the lesson of this boundaries which is not all right to walk all over people or manipulate them or whatever.
I wondered there must be something more because if setting a boundary truly loving, how is it loving in the moment instead of in the future if it’s not just loving then it must be loving in the moment.
Well it is holding up this mirror in some sense, showing in this moment this vision of the world. Presenting this firmness, strength, loving power to say no in the right way shows someone what we truly are that we are willing to respect ourselves.
This is also a model so others can see it is alright to have this sense of self and be what you truly are and say no to things you won’t accept.
You must also say yes to the things you are affirming, to the kindest strongest part of yourself.
There are some things for which I will not sit, for which I will not stand. For which I will come ready to take action in order to defend. Yes, it is wonderful, beautiful and important to say that precious word sometimes maligned always present in the mind of a self respected person.
That word is no.
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