Asking Why

Transcript

Let’s talk about asking why. In a recent interview with my friend Will Etcheson he talked about doing a journaling process.

And he was asking himself, what is going on with this desire that I have? I want to have a very beautiful girlfriend so that other men will be envious when they see me walking down the street in the arms if this woman.

He asked himself why, why do I want that? He read it somewhere in a book or something or a YouTube video.

If you ask why three times you start to get to your own desires and motivations. He found out what he wanted was to be respected. To be noticed. To be significant and he was starting to find many better ways of meeting that need.

Perhaps ways that could enable positive or constructive change in his life. As you probably know I am a huge journal advocate. I believe that journaling is one of the most effective ways to explore our self, gain self knowledge and understand our deeper motivations. And applies to big things like will was talking about but also small things.

I noticed the other day someone asked me “how are you? Are you ok?”

I told them I was fine but I was not entirely fine. I was talking to my friend, talking to another friend reflecting on the death of a dear friend of mine many years ago. I started to feel those emotions, that grief that was left there. Thought I had processed and left as a treasured memory and tried to comfort my friend as she was going through a difficult time facing the death of her aunt.

I started to tell these stories. Yes I said I was fine but I wasn’t exactly fine.

In the broad scope of things I knew how to process these emotions but in the moment I was feeling a little sad.

Why did I lie?

Part of it is politeness, part of it is not wanting to share weaknesses or vulnerability especially in the cafe we were sitting in.

If I had chosen a different path and said “I’m going to be honest and be aware of oversharing so I won’t share too much but actually Im a little sad. I was just recalling my friend who died and that would serve to deepen the connections with everyone around me in one form or another and I am perfectly capable of doing that.

When we ask why we start to discover normally, normally we will discover that our motivations are numerous. It’s not as simple as saying I was just trying to be polite or I was just trying to save face, it’s really that simple and this is the fascinating thing about human nature.

A lot of people will say just, just, just. It’s just this or just that.

An atheist will say the theist is just afraid of death, that’s why they believe in heaven. I don’t think human motivations are ever that simple.

It’s like the buddhist lore of multiple causes or the law of multiple motivations. You might be trying to do something pure and something impure and we can discover these things looking inside there is this universe of unasked questions.

Of mystery that are revealed when we start asking these questions and its phenomenal because almost every time we do it we reveal something about ourselves but also about others.

As I have said in this quote, I attribute it to Albert Ellis but I am not sure. I will try to find the source.

We can only understand others in the extent and in the manner that we understand ourselves.

That is the quote so it is clear that human motivations are various and diverse.

By doing this self exploration we benefit ourselves, we expand our self knowledge and we also understand more about the world and this is available to just about anyone.

Even if we don’t have access to a pen if you’re locked up or something like that you begin to explore that wonderful internal world that greater than the internet, that wealth of information that we have in our own minds and experiences and ask why or ask how can it be different? How might I meet these motivations in a more poetic fulfilling, connected way?

So many more questions arise and so many answers when we ask why.